i want to bestow upon my readers some excerpts from Ms. Dillard's book. This is from the chapter "The Present". Sit back and enjoy...


"I sip my coffee. I look at the mountain, which is still doing its tricks, as you look at a still-beautiful face belonging to a person who was once your lover in another country years ago: with fond nostalgia, and recognition, but no real feeling save a secret astonishment that you are now strangers. Thanks. For the memories. It is ironic that the one thing that all religions recongnize as separating us from our creator--our very self-consciousness--is also the thing that divides us from our fellow creatures. It was a bitter birthday present from evolution, cutting us off at both ends..."

"...No, the point is that not only does time fly and do we die, but that in these reckless conditions we live at all, and are vouchsafed, for the duration of certain inexplicable moments, to know it.
Stephen Graham startled me by describing this same gift in his antique and elegant book, The Gentle Art of Tramping. He wrote, "And as you sit on the hillside, or lie prone under the trees of the forest, or sprawl wet-legged on the shingly beach of a mountain stream, the great door, that does not look like a door, opens." That great door opens on the present, illuminates it as with a multitude of flashing torches..."

"...Conciousness itself does not hinder living in the present. In face, it is only to a heightened awareness that the great door to the present opens at all. Even a certain amount of interior verbalization is helpful to enforce the memory of whatever it is that is taking place..."

"...Self-conciousness, however, does hinder the experience of the present. It is the one instrument that unplugs all the rest. So long as I lose myself in a tree, say, I can scent its leafy breath or estimate its board feet of lumber, I can draw its fruits or boil tea on its branches, and the tree stays tree. But the second I become aware of myself at any of these activities--looking over my own shoulder, as it were--the tree vanishes, uprooted from the spot and flung out of sight as if it had never grown. And time, which had flowed down into the tree bearing new revelations like floating leaves at every moment, ceases. It dams, stills, stagnates..."

"...Michael Goldman wrote in a poem, "When the Muse comes She doesn't tell you to write; / She says get up for a minute, I've got something to show you, stand here..."

"...Our layered consciousness is a tiered track for an unmatched assortment of concentrically wound reels. Each one plays out for all of life its dazzle and blur of translucent shadow-pictures; each one hums at every moment its own secret melody in its own unique key. We tune in and out. But moments are not lost. Time out of mind is time nonetheless, cumulative, informing the present. From even the deepest slumber you wake with a jolt--older, closer to death, and wiser, grateful for breath..."

"...Thomas Merton wrote, in a light passage in one of his Gethsemane journals: "Suggested emendation in the Lord's Prayer: Take out 'Thy Kingdom come' and subsitute 'Give us time!'" But time is the one thing we have been given, and we have been given to time. Time gives us a whirl. We keep waking from a dream we can't recall, looking around in suprise, and lapsing back, for years on end..."

"...I want to come at the subject of the present by showing how consciouness dashes and ambles around the labyrinthine tracks of the mind, returning again and again, however briefly, to the senses: "If there were but one erect and solid standing tree in the woods, all creatures would go to rub against it and make sure of their footing." But so long as I stay in my thoughts my foot slides under trees; I fall, or I dance..."

"...Trees are tough. They last, taproot and bark, and we soften at their feet. "For we are strangers before thee, and sojourners, as were all our fathers: our days on the earth are as a shadow, and there is none abiding." We can't take the lightning, the scourge of high places and rare airs. But we can take the light, the reflected light that shines up the valleys on creeks. Trees stir memories; live waters heal them. The creek is the mediator, benevolent, impartial, subsuming my shabbiest evils and dissolving them, transforming them into live moles, and shiners, and sycamore leaves. It is a place even my faithlessness hasn't offended; it still flashes for me, now and tomorrow, that intricate, innocent face. It waters an undeserving world, saturating cells with lodes of light..."

"...You don't run down the present, pursue it with baited hooks and nets. You wait for it, empty-handed, and you are filled...Here is the word from a subatomic physicist: "Everything that has already happened is particles, everything in the future is waves." Let me twist his meaning. Here it comes,. The particles are broken; the waves are translucent, laving, roiling with beauty like sharks. The present is the wave that explodes over my head, flinging the air with particles at the height of its breathless unroll; it is the live water and light that bears from undisclosed sources the freshest news, renewed and renewing, world without end."

Dear Lyn,


Watch out for them briars...they'll getcha!






COOL LYRICS:
if the earth should open up
and drag me down to hell
i wouldnt care as long as you were by my side.
eternal flames and damnation doesnt sound so bad.
we could rost weenies every night.
--bottlewink.

i smoked my last cigarette two days ago, so ya'll wish me luck. :)

1: Grab the book nearest to you. turn to page 18, find line 4. write down here what it says: "Unfortunately, nature is very much a now-you-see-it, now-you-dont affair."

2: stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?: a modem

3: what is the last thing you watched on TV?: fox news

4: WITHOUT LOOKING: 9:08

5: now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 9:12

6: with the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: tv

7: when did you last step outside? what were you doing?: getting my phone out of my car about 20 minutes ago

8: before you came to this website, what did you look at?: my gmail

9: what are you wearing?: khaki dress pants, 3/4 sleeve white shirt, socks

10: did you dream last night? what about?: not that i remember

11: when did you last laugh? why?: 10 minutes ago, mark sent me a funny text

12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?: decorations from home interiors

13: seen anything weird lately?: yeah, mark gave me some kind of hickey on my upper lip--it turned purple and was kinda swollen

14: what do you think of this quiz?: whatever

15: what is the last film you saw?: Busted! (a film by the aclu about how to assert your rights when dealing with mean police officers...esp. if youre doing something illegal)

16: if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: a lexus lx470 or bmw 325i

17: tell me something about you that I don't know: they offered to skip me a grade when i was younger

18: if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: litter/pollution needs to stop <-----hell yeah, good idea haylie

19: do you like to dance?: yes, esp. after a few drinks

20: George Bush: would never have been elected if he ran naked.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: Mark Thomas III, assuming i marry mark...otherwise noah ethan or ethan embry (yes, after the actor i am hopelessly in love with)

22: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: jersey or olivia...cant decide on a middle name yet

22: would you ever consider living abroad?:yes yes yes.

23. what are you about to do? chill with vicki

so lets see...i bought a book the other day, called Feel This Book by Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo...and it was freaking hilarious. i had it read in less than 24 hours--i could hardly put it down! i definitely recommend it to anyone who reads my journal, i think you'd all appreciate it.

ive been working for a full week straight, because i am taking all next week off. mark and i are going to bristol this weekend for nopi, and then we have all next week off for a vacation. his birthday is next friday, so i still have to plan something special. i got him some razzles candy, because hes been wanting some for forever, got him a picture frame with some pictures of us in it, im getting him a pair of white low top chucks, maybe some cologne he wants (armani's acqua di rio or something like that), and some small things like making him a CD, a gift certificate to joe muggs and whatever else.

i got my hair did on tuesday by fred...he just trimmed it, but he put a dark tint on the majority of my hair to bring out the richness of the dark shades and then put some chunky blonde highlights around my face...now to be honest, im not sure what i thought of the highlights at first, because i have never had blonde in my hair, and im such a dark headed person. they are starting to grow on me though, and everyone else really seems to like them. i figure, hey, at least people will be able to tell the difference between me and renee at the store now. its amazing how many people think were sisters or just cant tell us apart.

well anyway, vickis almost here so im outtie.

I accidentally just spilled coffee on our rotweilers face. (it wasnt hot)

























Toothpaste For Dinner!

so whos the dork who paid for an upgraded blogdrive package? yeah, i know, i am a dork, but i went with the smallest one (2.95/month) and blogdrive has had the best layout designs and the friendliest staff of any online journal ive ever used. so make sure to scroll down the page, because ill have new polls posted on the side probably every couple of days, at least once a week.

i am in the mood to watch amelie.

well my fourth was fun. lots of food...shish-ka-bobs (with shrimp for me--marinaded in lemon pepper [yum!], filet for everyone else), steaks (filet), corn on the cob, cole slaw, olives, nuts, watermelon, chips and salsa, deviled eggs, homemade apple pie, lemon icebox pie...and whatever else i cant think of. lots of pretty fire works. and i learned how to say "i love pie" in spanish: Me Encanta Pie. wooT!

going to the mall today. going to enjoy a nice day off with a little amanda time. i want to call a friend to go with me, because i still have friends i havent got to see since ive been back, but i am in the mood to be by myself today.

i guess thats all. later days.

One Armed Man

this is awesome!

btw, my new favorite cereal is wheaties.

I added a new link in my favorite sites section...Black People Love Us dot com.  i had been to this site forever ago and its so freaking hilarious, i had just forgotten about it until now. i am not racist, but this is some funny shit.

oh yes, and i finally got my copy of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek in the mail, so be prepared to be bombarded with excerpts from it :)

Note to self: Never get sick ever EVER again. it fuckin sucks.

so lets see...ive got transfer student orientation at UT this morning...check in between 7&8...thats freakin early... i got The Graduate on dvd the other day, it rocks :) i also had to pay 100 bucks for an AC adaptor for my laptop, but hey, i can burn cds now. i also got a rockin candle at joanne fabrics and the franz ferdinand cd for 9 bucks at best buy :-D i got to see dodgeball with micah and christian last saturday...they are always too fun to hang out with. sorry i cant go to lord lyndseys tonight, micah, i swear i will go next time and protect you from the gay men that seem to love you. do you fart pheramones, kid? been working like a crazy person. my sis is getting married, did i ever mention that? yep, she ordered her rings yesterday, and she should have them some time next week. they are getting married in mexico with oscars family first, and then coming up here for another ceremony. well gots to go get ready. everyone have a lovely weekend.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how i wish i were a more compassionate person. Compassion is something that is just in you, i know, but i feel like if i stopped thinking about myself so much and took the time to be more aware of others and their situations, i would naturally be a more compassionate. Compassion is something the whole world needs. It can be emotionally exhausting and even incredibly humbling, but i think in the end it is worth it because you get to see the birth of so many extraordinary things. it was so weird, because i had been thinking about this for a few days, and then the other night while driving on the interstate i saw a huge billboard with mother theresa on it that said COMPASSION in huge letters. funny, i literally saw a sign. as ive been thinking about this, i remember this song by keith green that i absolutely love. hes one of the christian artists i grew up on, and even to this day i still love his music. this song talks about how when the Lord comes he will separate the sheep from the goats, the sheep obviously being his followers and the goats being the non-followers. theres really no singing to the song, its more just telling a story, so some of it you have to imagine as a conversation (kind of). i just really like the point he makes about helping our neighbors. of course, in the song k. green make is like someone is having a conversation with God, and playing the "goat" he turned Him away. but then at the end of the song you realize he didnt literally mean he turned God away, but he turned his neighbor away, and that is the same as turning God away, because the scripture says 'In as much as you've not done it unto the least of my bretheren, You've not done it unto me." its just a very cool song how he shows all the excuses we make when we dont show compassion or decency.


"And when the Son Man comes, and all the Holy Angels with him,
Then shall he sit on His Glorious throne,
And he will divide the nations before Him, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.
And she shall put the sheep on His right and the goats on His left,
And He shall say to the sheep;

GOD:
come ye, blessed of My Father,
inherit the Kingdom I have prepared for you from the foundation of the world,
For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink,
I was naked, and you clothed me,
I was a stranger, and you invited me in,
I was sick, and I was in prison, and you came to me.
Thank you! Enter into your rest.

And they shall answer Him, yes, they shall answer Him,
And they'll say,

SHEEP:
Lord, when?
When were you hungry Lord, and we gave you something to eat?
Lord, when were you thirsty? I can't remember. And we gave you drink?
Huh, when were you naked Lord, and we clothed you?
And Lord, when were you a stranger and we invited you in?
I mean, we invited lots of people in Lord. I could never forget that face.
And Lord, when were you sick and we visited you?
Or in prison, and we came to you? Lord, tell us?

GOD:
In as much as you did it to the least of my bretheren, you've done it unto me.
Oh yes, as much as you've done it to the very least of my bretheren, you've done it,
you've done it unto me. Enter into your rest.

Then He shall turn to those on His left, the goats.

GOD:
Depart from me, you cursed ones, into everlasting fire,
prepared for the devil and his angels.
For I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat,
I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink,
I was naked, out in the cold, in exposure, and you sent me away,
I was a stranger, and I knocked at your door,
But you didn't open, you told me to go away,
I was sick, racked in pain upon my bed,
And I begged, and prayed, and pleaded that you'd come, but you didn't,
I was in prison, and I rotted there,
I'd prayed that you'd come.
I heard your programs on the radio, I read your magazines, but you never came.
Depart from me!!!

GOATS:
Lord, there must be some mistake, when?
Lord, I mean, when were you hungry Lord and we didn't give you something to eat?
And Lord, when were you thirsty, and we didn't give you drink?
I mean, that's not fair, well, would you like something now?
Would one of the Angels like to go out and get the Lord a hamburger and a coke?
Oh, you're not hungry, yeah, I lost my appetite too.
Uh Lord uh, Lord, when were you naked,
I mean Lord, that's not fair either Lord,
We didn't know what size you wear.
Oh Lord, when were you a stranger Lord,
You weren't one of those creepy people who used to come to the door, were you?
Oh Lord, that wasn't our ministry Lord. We just didn't feel led, you know?
Lord, when were you sick? What did you have, anyway?
Well, at least it wasn't fatal; oh, it was?
I'm sorry Lord, I would have sent you a card.
Lord, just on last thing we want to know,
When were you in prison Lord? What were you in for anyway?
I had a friend in Levenworth..

GOD:
ENOUGH!
In as much as you've not done it unto the least of my bretheren,
You've not done it unto me.
In as much as you've not done it unto the least of my bretheren,
You've not done it unto me. Depart from Me.
And these shall go away into everlasting fire.
But the righteous into eternal life!


And my friends, the only difference between the sheep and the goats, according to this scripture,
is what they did, and didn't do!!