Last Good Cry: a week before this past monday
Last Library Book Checked Out: mansfield park-jane austen and a bunch of sartre books
Last Movie Seen: the goonies
Last Book Read: choke - chuck palahniuk
Last Cussword Uttered: probably "what the hell"
Last Beverage: drinkin coffee right now
Last Food Consumed: twizzler
Last Phone Call: mom
Last TV Show Watched: uh...
Last Shower: This morning.
Last Shoes Worn: black chucks
Last CD Played: listening to radiohead's "ok computer" as we speak
Last Item Bought: thrice merch
Last Annoyance: The girl this morning who said that evolutionists believe we came from apes...also the lady in the health center who wont accept my immunization records
Last Soda Drank: been way too long
Last Thing Written: um...thrice lyrics in my ppg journal
Last Key Used: dorm room key
Last Word Spoken: stuff
Last Sleep: last night
Last Sexual Fantasy: hmmm...
Last Weird Encounter: last night this girl (who i didnt know-i apparently met her on halloween) was like "amanda, come here" so i went over there and she wants me to come to some party shes throwing tonight at the gravel pit to meet some guy...she was like "i told him all about you. hes a really cute guy from state." i was like.....................
Last Ice Cream Eaten: dulce de leche from the stage door
Last Time Wanting To Die: never
Last Time In Love: i dont know, it was a while back...
Last Time Hugged: today, many times
Last Time Scolded: its been a while
Last Time Resentful: ive been pissed and resentful all day
Last Chair Sat In: computer chair
Last lipstick used: probably 3 custom color in warm pink
Last bra worn: um, its white. it has leopard print on the reverse side
Last shirt worn: the shape shirt...black and white baseball tee
Last time dancing: yesterday
Last poster looked at: one in lyns room
Last show attended: i saw thrice, thursday and coheed on monday...but like a local show...i think an E5 show last time i was home


Three things that scare me:
1: fish/large fish in the water
2: drowning
3: making bad grades

Three people who make me laugh:
1: lyn
2: liz
3: linds

Three Things I love:
1: sleep
2: vegetables
3: music

Three Things I hate:
1: the economy
2: people who (when youre walking toward them) move to the left side of the side walk, as opposed to the right side
3: people who think they know me (there are very few)

Three things I don't understand:
1: how i managed to make a high B on my last speech...i totally didnt deserve it
2: how people are so close minded
3:

Three things on my desk:
1: water bottle
2: books
3: lamp

Three things I'm doing right now:
1: "working" (the financial aid office is awesome!)
2: filling out this survey
3: drinking coffee

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: skydive
2: learn to play guitar-own a taylor
3: open my own coffee shop and learn how to make my own special coffees (lyn knows what i mean!) thats why im keeping chem as my minor

Three things I can do:
1: chemistry
2: other peoples makeup
3: wiggle my little pinky toes (and only the pinky toes)...it looks hilarious. ever watch the goonies? it looks like that monster-y guys (sloths?) ears when they wiggle, its awesome

Three ways to describe my personality:
1: cheerful
2: easygoing
3: liberal

Three things I can't do:
1: believe in original sin
2: give up cookies
3: stand on my head

so well start with a picture of connie may fowler and myself:



she shared an excerpt from her book, it sounds so awesome and i cant wait until it comes out. it was incredible meeting her--she was so jubiliant and so radiant--it had to have been contagious because i know i walked out of the symposium smiling from ear to ear. listening to her read from her new book makes me want to start writing again.

today i almost fell down the stairs on the way to the bathroom at work this morning, lol. so after i scared myself half to death by nearly cracking my head open, i went to the bathroom. thats when i realized i put my underwear on inside out this morning. i got dressed in the dark because my roommate was still asleep. haha, i laughed hard about that one.

1.taking back sunday vs. brand new
taking back sunday

2. anatomy of a ghost vs. coheed and cambria
coheed and cambria, duh.

3. the used vs. thrice
hello, is this thing on? THRICE

4. thursday vs. my chemical romance
Thursday

5. the movielife vs. fairweather
Fairweather, definitely. they put on such kick ass shows

6. fall out boy vs. the starting line
The Starting Line

7. atreyu vs. shai hulud
mmm...gonna have to go with shai hulud

8. the mars volta vs. sparta
Definitely the mars volta

9. count the stars vs. the ataris
ataris. hands down.

10. spitalfield vs. the rocket summer
Spitalfield

11. saves the day vs. mae
Saves the Day

12. something corporate vs. straylight run
i cant say theyre my favorite, but they do have a few songs i enjoy....something corporate

13. chris carrabba vs. conor oberst
holy fuck is this a trick question? they are both beautiful, talented, and amazing lyricists

14. CT BATTLE: doozer vs. grover dill
no comprendé

15. hidden in plain view vs. the early november
mmmmmmmmmm the early november

16. saosin vs. alexisonfire
never even heard of them


17. alkaline trio vs. vendetta red
Alkaline Trio i guess

18. glassjaw vs. from autumn to ashes
Glassjaw...i think i hate autumn to ashes

19. the anniversary vs. the reunion show
The Anniversary

20. yellowcard vs. silverstein
Yellowcard = el-fun-o

21. backstreet boys vs. nsync
nsync, just because they had that song "drive myself crazy" which is awesome

i just cried over a fucking chemistry lab. what the hell? i just got so pissed off because dr. doumit says i didnt add the ammonia solution but i know i did...i diluted 120 ml of NH₃ with 100 ml of water, added 100 ml to the "new" solution, retrieved 1 ml and poured the remaining 119 ml into the "old" solution, just as we were instructed to do.  we still got full credit for the lab, so i dont know why im so pissed off. it just gave me a headache. i dont know why i cried. im drinking a glass of water (though i might rather it be a glass of whiskey) and it calmed me down a bit.

saturday was too much fun...hanging with liz and lyn and brian and dave has been awesome. its so drama free and we have so much fun. liz and lyn are two of the most generous and kind girls ive met in a long time, not to mention they are freaking hilarious. 

dave (L) and brian (R) are so precious!


ok im done venting. ill soon have pictures up of me and connie may fowler, and fill in all the details of the welty symposium.

Oh yeah, and one of my favorite authors, Connie May Fowler, is going to be at Welty Weekend!!! I am so excited. I can't wait :) i have a previous journal composed of some quotes from her novel Before Women Had Wings...see also: journal header quote

BTW: Eudora Welty graduated from the W, so now we host a writers symposium in her honor or whatever.

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." - General George Patton

I dressed up as a naughty catholic school girl last year for Halloween...my friend Derek wrote a poem about it:

Naughty School Girl

You naughty school girl, with that grin
Pull up those socks and cover that skin
You don't fool anyone with that church-girl look
'Cause when it comes to naughty, you wrote the book
Look, you dropped your pencil! Oh yes, Oh my!
I'd like to get a peice of that american pie
So you naughty school girl, with your socks to your knees

Never give it up but you're still the biggest tease

haha i thought i was funny. this was exciting to find.

well, good news.

this morning i had definitely decided i was withdrawing from the university so i could go home and not be so stressed about a job and money and all the while help my parents pay their bills. i could go to school next semester at walter state. well i went to see nancy in financial aid to talk to her about that. she called in mr. rainer, and basically they decided to give me a perkins loan through the school. that was good, but it didnt help me get a job, and i still owed some money to the school. they were doing every kind of override they could to try to get things taken care of. i had to go to class and they had a meeting with the vice president of the university to go to, so they said come back after class. i did, and at the meeting they talked to the vp and exlained my situation. in a nutshell, he told them to increase one of my scholarships (i have 3 through the school--one for $4000, one for $1500 and one for $1800...but tuition is right at 14 thou) from $1800 to over $4000, since i have all As in my classes and they can tell i am working hard for my degree. im not sure exactly WHAT they did, but i get a refund check for almost $1500 and job in financial aid. so it appears things are set...i went and talked to dr. wesley (the vp) and thanked him.

but today was still very...emotional. i was upset all morning, i just cried and cried. i didnt want to go back home, but i didnt feel like i had an option. i have been EVERYWHERE for a job, and i felt like i was just walking into a dead end. then they offered me a job, more scholarships, fee waivers, etc. id be stupid not to take that, so i did. but i am so sick of being everyones exception. everyones charity case. everyone having to see me vulnerable and everyone pitying me. I get to spend my life feeling indebted to all these gracious, pitying people. what a fucking way to live. and im not being proud...if theres one thing ive had to learn its how to be humble. dont be ashamed about accepting charity, right? just for once id like to be able to do something on my own, and not have to ask for help. maybe for once be on the other side of the altruism. be the philanthropist. but i would never pity.

i went down to the second floor to make cookies today, and ended up hanging out with this girl liz and her friend sarah from state. her friends dave and brian came up, and they invited me to spend the weekend in jackson with them. i couldnt this weekend, but i think were all going to do something next weekend. we went down to the river, and swung on the rope swing off the bridge. then, decided to get IN the river. it was kinda chilly. it was fun, and i was glad to meet some people who have some of the same interests. they also take trips out to cleveland...apparently some guy has bands play shows at his house, and then whoever wants to just crashes for the night, since its 2 hours away from us. they said next time they go i was more than welcome, so i think that sounds like fun.

well, i cant go home for halloween. but thats ok i guess, i really need to focus on things here.